so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
