and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
