i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My pussy is not your playground.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
