i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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