I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
