I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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