I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
