ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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