Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
