Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
