Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
