FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize