party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize