maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
