I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
