The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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