I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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