Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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