And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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