As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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