Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
