Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
His nipple licking is glorious
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