My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize