I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
