no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
