There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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