Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
