are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
