I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
