It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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