let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
