well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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