piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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