I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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