I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
