After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
