I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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