they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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