So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone shit on the floor
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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