Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
