During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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