So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize