Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
