explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm at about main and main street
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
