too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
