so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
