i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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