you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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