His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
