I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize