I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
