I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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