blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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