When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
