I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
