I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
