saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
