I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
