I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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