I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
