I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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