I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
