i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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