so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude. I can hear the air.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
