My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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