i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
