i already hear my dad disowning me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ruined the universe
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize