Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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