Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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