Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
