Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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