I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
