do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
