he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
