every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
