im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
