So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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