when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
