bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
