Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
