Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That accounts for only three of the penises
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
