They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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