Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
